IT’S OK TO GIVE UP

You know how you sometimes hear stories about people who have failed their driving test 35 times? Much as you admire their persistence, don’t you sometimes wonder why they don’t just give up? These are clearly people who just aren’t cut out to drive big, heavy, dangerous lumps of machinery around streets full of children and old people and dogs and lamp posts. Even if they do finally pass, there’s a feeling that it’s probably a fluke, and you probably still wouldn’t want to be a passenger on their next trip. 

Actually, if these people held their hands up (as some do) and said, “You know what? This isn’t me. I’m going to get a bicycle and a bus season ticket,” I would applaud their ability to see what was staring them in the face. I wouldn’t call them quitters or criticize their lack of determination or drive. They’d simply be getting the message loud and clear and having the good sense not to ignore it. Sometimes we head off down the wrong path in life, often with the best motives. Maybe there’s no knowing it’s the wrong path until we try it.

There’s no shame in admitting it once we realize it’s not getting us where we want to be. When you realize this college course isn’t right for you, or that you don’t have what it takes to do this job well, or that your move to a new city isn’t working out, or that the hours you put into being on the local council put too much strain on your family, it takes guts to say so. That’s not quitting. That’s courage. Quitting is when you give up because you don’t want to put in the effort, you can’t be bothered, you don’t like hard work, you’re scared of failure. We Rules players don’t quit. We harden our resolve, and we get on with the job without complaint.

However, good Rules players know when they’re beat. If the world is telling you that you took a wrong turn, you can admit it honestly and put yourself on a different track. No one can be brilliant at everything, and sometimes you have to try things to find out whether you can do them. And maybe you can’t. A few years ago, a leading UK government official resigned from her post, famously saying that she was simply “not up to the job.” Now, I’d never really rated her up to that point, but she rose hugely in my estimation—and that of many others—for that admission. That took guts. Maybe she wasn’t great at leading a government department, but she was certainly in a different league from most politicians when it came to honesty, courage, and self-knowledge. She’s an outstanding example of the fact that if you give up in the right way at the right time, you’re showing strength of character, not weakness.